Fall is Coming!

It is finally starting to cool down or at least Mother Nature is teasing us with a few jacket weather days and they alone are enough to make my heart sing.

I love the fall. Any heat makes me cranky and the brutal summer we have had has left me with a 90 day bad mood.

This week I was finally able to turn off my A/C, easing my $400 electric bill and opening the windows of my loft for the first time since spring. I deep cleaned my kitchen, making everything smell like Pine-sol and even vacuumed under my stove.

Then I lit my favorite Mexican Pumpkin Candle, which I bought last fall at a boutique in Briarcliff. It, along with the smell of homemade chicken noodle soup and football popcorn, defines fall for me.

The weatherman might say that it is going to warm back up but the scent of Mexican Pumpkin stands in firm opposition. It will be cool. We will have lazy Saturdays. And god help us, one of my teams won’t play like crap before winter comes back around to freeze us all.

Road to Grandparent's House

Sometimes things suck.  Often I feel completely lost and confused with no idea what I am doing and where my life is headed.  Then I have days like this one - driving to see my grandparents, the open road before me and while I couldn't say that there wasn't a cloud in the sky, that was just fine as they were quite a sight to behold. 

I still don't know where I am going but sometimes that is okay. Sometimes enjoying the ride is good enough.

Considering Cohabitation

The Examiner.com recently hired me to write a column for their Kansas City page offering relationship advice for men. I haven't gotten started righting my regular posts yet which will most likely be about 1500 words long and will cover topics as investigative and cutting edge as what to say when your girlfriend asks you if her butt looks big or if a war begins to brew between your mother and your lady love. You know, real important stuff.

Until then, here is the post I wrote that got me hired.

In our current tight strapped economy more and more couples are considering shacking up as a temporary means to aleve their cash burdens. Before jumping into bunk-mate status with your partner, consider your motivation, long term changes living together will make to your relationship and what you hope to gain from cohabitation.

New studies have begun to dispel the myth that couples who live together before marriage won’t last, but their success is dependent on a solid commitment at the time of moving in together. If you are considering living with someone for ‘right now’ anticipate that she won’t take kindly to you changing your mind later. When it comes to the progression of a relationship, there is no going back once you share kitchen utensils.

If moving in together seems like a natural progression, then celebrate your new found extra income with time spent maintaining relationships apart from one another. No, making sure to devote time to your buddies does not mean you have one foot out the door. It is an important choice to ensure a healthy balance. Living together can come with all sorts of challenges so make sure that both you and your partner have friends to associate with when you need your own personal time.

Know that living together is not a step to be entered into lightly, so factor in the logistics, your living styles and anticipated gender roles and the level of commitment that sharing more than a bedroom implies. Understand what your partner expects. Is living together a situational necessity, a phase meant to last awhile or is it just a short pit stop on the way to ‘I do’? Be clear in your expectations from the get go and start your next step together on solid ground.

I Am Obsessed

Seemingly Sweet and Innocent

I got Bently at the end of April. He was a sort of an impulse purchase. I was at the Pet Expo with my friend Trish (yeah, that is one place I never imagined myself jonesing to go to but I suppose fate had plans for me) when I spotted a deranged looking woman in cat face paint holding a massive ball of fur from across the showroom. I assumed from the way she was practically making out with the thing that she had just purchased him but no, she apparently does that with any cat she finds.

“That is my cat!” I exhaled. I had been joking for a few weeks that I was either going to need to get some lovin’ or I was going to have to get myself a cat. And I hate cats.

How can you not love that face?!

But Bently was different. I mean, look at him – He looks somebody spray painted Garfield grey and white and I was obsessed with Garfield as a kid.

Bently was name that had been given to him by the crazy ladies at the Kitty foster care place. I liked the name and chose to keep it because I didn’t want him to have to undergo any more traumatic change than what he had experienced with the ladies who started bawling when they had to give him up to me. He is three and a giant tub o’ fur. He is like pretty much every other man in my life in that he is pretty apathetic to my existence until I am not paying to attention to him. And so I treat him as I do those other men, smothering him with love until he figures out how awesome I am. The advantage with Bently is that I can actually physically smother him and so we have established the nightly ritual where I try to get him to cuddle with me at bedtime and he tries for dear life to get the hell away from me until 2 am when suddenly I am desirable. Again – men.

Bently has cost me a near fortune in our brief relationship. He came to me with lots of baggage which he disguised with cuteness, reminding me of my last boyfriend. He is blind, has some serious bladder issues and oh yeah, has herpes. He is also a compulsive paper eater and a bulimic. I am developing a very special relationship with my vet.

My Dad keeps telling me I should trade in the defective fur ball but he is like my child. You can’t return your kid just because he has issues. If you could I am sure my parents would have swapped me for a better model years ago.

No, Bently is a neurotic mess with all sorts of issues. But so am I. I guess we make the perfect pair.

Oh yeah - because he is slightly scary.